The focus of campaigns often shifts during the final weeks before election day to a group of people known as undecided voters. But as presidential candidates address their talking points to Joe-the-plumber's cousin on the fence, John Q. Public, others wonder how it's possible to have not decided already. I mean, do undecided voters really exist? Really? Is there some group of unresolved skeptics who, as New York Times columnist Gail Collins says, "have managed to completely ignore nearly two years of news about the 2008 elections?" New Yorker humor columnist David Sedaris ponders this same question in his latest essay. Predictably, his prose is hilarious:
I look at these people and can't quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?
To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. "Can I interest you in the chicken?" she asks. "Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?"
To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked. I mean, really, what's to be confused about?
Let them eat cake: The editorial board at The News Tribune has penned a shaky endorsement of Initiative 1000, the measure that would legalize physician-assisted suicide, saying "the initiative isn't perfect, but it comes close enough to be a good option for Washington voters who find comfort in the ability to decide when and how they will die." ...
Consuming cash: Despite raising $1.2 million in campaign donations over the past three months, Democratic congressional candidate Darcy Burner loaned her own campaign $140,000 last week as a response to Republican U.S. Rep. Dave Reichert's latest television-ad buy. According to Josh Feit at Horses Ass, Reichert purchased $530,000 worth of time on two local television stations using credit. ...
Tight leash: The King County Sheriff's office released a list of 2009 budget reductions totaling $11.3 million, which includes 79 employee layoffs. Sherrif Sue Rahr says the cuts will bring "a dramatic loss of services and an erosion of public safety." Meanwhile, the Washington State Patrol has placed nine troopers on paid administrative leave to asses whether the troopers used fake diplomas to receive pay raises. ...
Unleashed: The Metropolitan King County Council voted 8-0 yesterday to begin researching the impacts of a possible dog-chaining ban. Dogs chained for long periods of time, some councilmembers said, may be more likely to attack people or other dogs. ...
And finally, the Associated Press reports Democratic Gov. Chris Gregoire will be costumed as Dora the Explorer this year for Halloween. Her husband Mike will be Dora's sidekick, Boots the monkey.
[Note: Crosscut Deputy Editor Lisa Albers deserves credit for any reference to John Q. Public as a cousin to Joe-the-plumber. It's her joke. I stole it.]
